Today's NYT has an article about lists, those "100 Things to Do Before You Die" things. Enjoy reading others', don't have one.

For me, they obviate the dailiness of life, the appreciation of the small things that give texture and depth: making plum jam, getting a chortle from the newborn next door, the deep realease of truly breathing after a draining week's work. Chop wood, carry water.

Last winter, my yoga teacher showed me photos of the estate in Goa where she planned to take a workshop. With uncharacteristic spontaneity, my friend Joan and I signed on, and plunged into a chaotic, vibrant, life-expanding journey. Not on any list. There are peak events, and there is also the deeply satisfying moment, or hour- or two, like my recent watching of Louis Malle's doc, "God's Country". If you rent it, watch for the last frame: worth the price of admission.

If you have a list, I'm happy to read it! 

"When patients complain of dead and lifeless marriages, it is often possible to show them how precious the deadness is to them.” - Stephen Mitchell quoted in NYT Times article, "Can This Marriage be Saved", Sunday Aug 19

Mitchell's observation recalls the old Woody Allen joke:

"Doctor! My brother thinks he's a chicken."

"Why don't you have him committed?"

"I would, but we need the eggs." 

A friend complains bitterly about her partner: he's arrogant, thoughtless, a slob. She is not currently examining her contribution to the system, nor willing to reconnect to what each once loved in the other. What are the "eggs"? A house, an intact family, affluence?

To each person who has decided you don't need the eggs, that a nice dead life is... no life,  fond regards. When this happens, bluebirds do not pull back your curtains like a Disney movie. You'll struggle, and you will be alive.

Weems' reply includes: "I would rather my chilluns and granchilluns not have to be held back by my needs. It's a matter of what can I do when I can no longer contribute. When is it time? And can I choose it? Will I have the foresight to choose it just before I no longer have the ability?"

If you would consider voluntarily ending your life, what would your criteria include?

Mom's had friends who chose what she calls "self check-out". In several cases, a gentle end, for one, a violent method that horrifed both his wife and all residents of the 'home'. My Dad asked my brother (also an MD) to write a 'scrip; he said no. Dad died by the inch.

This excerpt from William Carlos Williams' "The Last Worlds of My English Grandmother" says it all for me.