College Republicans...
Firstly, I would like to apologize for the rant that is about to occur…
Hi. My name is Jasmine and my best friend of fourteen years is a Republican and is active (an officer) in the College Republicans at San Francisco State University. This was a complete shock to me when she started her freshman year at SF state and about two months into the semester she came home telling me that she had joined the College Republicans.
I am a supportive person so I didn’t scold her or lecture her of the trap she had fallen into. But soon I started to notice the changes in her embodiment and her presence. Here is a list of some of the dramatic personality changes I have witnessed:
1. Self-righteous attitude
2. High and mightiness
3. Self importance
4. “Standoffish”
5. Not present during conversations that were beyond her conservative grasp of things, which usually are when conversing with me.
6. Still has a beautiful and compassionate heart, but that attitude quickly changes when around her CR friends.
This is the short list of how she came across in the beginning of her involvement with the CRs but has seemed to settle down throughout the years, which if it hadn’t, our friendship might have become an extremely distant one. I recently moved up to the city and she is now my housemate. The first few months were extremely difficult for me because there were a lot of attachments I had to let go of involving how our relationship “was” and when I was able to do that, we discovered the close bond again that we have shared most of our lives…
But today, I witnessed something that I am having a reeaaalllly difficult time letting go of our just shrugging off my shoulders. She invited me to the first CR meeting of the semester only because it was lunchtime and there was free pizza. Being extremely curious at what went on at these meetings and being somewhat of an anthropologist I agreed to sit in (I did not sign my real name on the sign in sheet).
I saw some familiar faces that have come around her parties in the past as I sat at the rectangular table. Now, I must admit these were people that I wasn’t too fond of but I tried to sit in with an open mind. The president of the group began talking about some of the goals for the semester and how they were going to go about achieving them. Let me just say, I sat there in shock and awe at what I couldn’t believe was coming out of their mouths. The discussion was about some rally ideas that people in the group were bringing up. The requirements were to “cause controversy, and heat things up”. I felt like I was sitting around with my cousins and friends back when we were ten thinking of things to do to annoy our grandparents.
One idea that completely appalled me was put on the table by the ex-president of the CRs. The military man who was worshiped by all the guys and the macho man that all the girls wanted to be “saved” by. He proposed that they have a pro Israel rally and at the rally they would have a giant cardboard bomb, made to resemble the bombs with written messages on them shot by the Palestinians, and on this bomb anyone would be able to write their own messages towards the Palestinians. My jaw dropped as people started laughing uncomfortably, including my friend who could tell by my body language how unappealing her involvement with these people became to me at that moment.
I thought I was over and okay with the fact that she was a Republican, but when I attended this meeting, I felt this desire to grab her arm and pull her out of there. I stayed for the whole meeting and left unsure of where I stood. What do I do? How can I go on letting someone whom I regard as a sister be involved in something where in my gut is wrong? Is this my ego trying to be a savior? I know I can’t change anybody but this is looming on my conscience and I need some feedback. You group of people I trust and I would really appreciate your help.
Thanks for listening.
Blessings and Peace,
Jasmine
Rather than try to explain your point of view, or convince her that hers doesn't work, ask her why she thinks what she does. Ask her how this will solve such and such a problem. Or, what about the poor? Or the environment? Or, will this mean that endless wars are our destiny? Or whatever will make her consider and answer in detail.
There is a great book called Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott http://www.fierceinc.com/index.php?page=book I have been using her material in my leadership trainings, and as she suggests, the power of questions is just amazing--in order to "interrogate reality", "tackle tough challenges", "provoke learning", and "enrich relationships". "The conversation is not about the relationship. The conversation IS the relationship." And, "we succeed, or fail, one conversation at a time."
This type of approach offers opportunity for mutual validation that transcends the limitations of opinion.
Good luck. This is not easy.
Weems
I agree 100% about the power of questions. As I have been going through different ways to approach her, "the conversation starter" mostly questions arise. Thank you so much for the advice though, this is really helpful. : ) Because in reality, I really am curious about those issues and what their involvement is.
Thanks again!
It's the curiosity (for me, anyway) of , "how could these people believe these things."
Fortunately, I believe that at the bottom of ideology is both faith and virtue (what Vonnegut called "original virtue" as opposed to original sin).
And, of course the problem is that the mix of the two within any political umbrella can be as dangerous as it is beautiful. Faith as wishful thinking, and virtue as rigid righteousness, can be as devastating as the flip side is beautiful (trust and goodness).
I would say, though, that your curiosity is a fine approach, and it has helped you find that your friend is your friend indeed when you get beyond the "stories" that drive the beliefs.
Weems
Although I was bowled over by the maturity and heart-felt observation you display in your post, I was also not compelled to post until I read the sidebar quote:
There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
— Jung
...is.....?
Sex, drugs, and rocknroll!????? Yeah. I knew it!
No! Wait a minute! That was my cure!
Weems
...inside a little brown box that he got in the mail at his hospital in Prague.
Now I get it. Of course! Can you imagine Rush Limbaugh on acid!???
Maybe we should hijack Jasmine's friend.
But we need to deprogram Jasmine's friend! :)
Enough of this kindness. Let's send them to Gitmo! jejejeje
Sorry, Jasmine. It's been a long day, and I'm feeling stropy!
Weems
...send all the unemployed to Gitmo. (Along with Jasmine's friend, of course.)
You can say so much with few words, such as the quotes that appear on the side bar here... Thanks again for all your advice! Patience is also a great concept.
John and Weems. Have as much fun as you'd like lol I don't mind. What's Gitmo? And, acid would be something great to hijack my friend and make her try.
That's the US Military short for Guantanamo Bay. Actually on navy documents it's referred to as GTMO so they call it gitmo. It's a navy base that we continue to own in Cuba. That's where the Bushies sent all the prisoners for torture. It's not on American soil, so it's out of the jurisdiction of American jurisprudence. It was just one of the many cute little tricks of the nasties.
And yes...patience...and compassion.
And David, your comments are really wise. Looking forward to the video on liberals/conservatives.
Weems
Because I get it now.. lol
You guys are hilarious... I should got to the CR meeting next week and suggest the idea about sending all the unemployed to Gitmo and tell them that it was my liberal, hippie, crunchie friend's idea!
The poor desrve it. I mean how can you respect anyone who doesn't have any money!?? And besides, weren't we counting on them to bail out the banks?!! Jeesshhhhh!
Weems
then, can you try to just accept her stance- it may be difficult- Being a foreigner I suppose I would not care so much what the political affiliation of my friends were.... but if it is very important to you it may mean not sharing with her- not being friends with her.
I think I would find it impossible to continue a friendship with such a tugging contrast. Born again Christians- Pro Lifers who seem to value human life yet blow up abortion clinics or kill abortionsists seem so radical- terrorists- molestors- people who are descdendents of the pilgrims and who mistreated Native Americans- so many categories that would negate friendship- would make it impossible- I am not sure a political party would create the same distaste but if it did I would end the friendship or else embrace her in spite of what she follows. Good luck.
To just let it go. Everyone is on their own path and I completely agree. She and I have a wonderful relationship, that has it's ups and downs but that's only natural. However, I did make a point about how I was really offended and did not see any purpose of the "Pro Isreal bomb rally" to her and she seemed to agree and told me that they weren't going to go ahead with that plan.
Other than that, she is growing, as am I and things are changing day by day. I feel her core and it's beyond all this bullshit. We have been through too much together for me not to read through it. Sometimes we get lost, and yes maybe in the future she will ask why I didn't do anything, and my response will be that there is a lesson in everything, and that was something we both had to go through in our own way. All I can do is help nurture and encourage her compassionate and loving heart.. Thanks again for all your input and jokes. It made the situation a lot lighter :)
Love,
Jasmine
You got it! Perfect.
But not to let go of this without one last digression about torture. My brother is a fly fishing guide. These types of fishermen are adamant about returning the fish to the water. Only a few (like my brother) understand that ultimately, this is torture although they try to be as gentle as they can, and they extract no serious national security information. So I asked him, "What do you do with the fish when you get it out of the water?" He replied with the sort of straight face characteristic of a true fisherman: "Oh. I just 'airboard' them for a little while until they tell me their secrets."
Jasmine, thanks for your teachings!
Weems
but then I read the current quote in the sidebar that now reads "To hold the same views at forty as we held at twenty is to have been stupefied for a score of years, and take rank, not as a prophet, but as an unteachable brat, well birched and none the wiser." — Robert Louis Stevenson
Dear Jasmine, it is wonderful that you can hold your friend inside your circle of love, even while she goes through her changes (scary to us perhaps yet apparently natural for her) and you go through yours. And no doubt with your support she will come out the other side of all that -- whatever the other side turns out to be.
You have so much maturity, you dear beautiful one. I know you will use this opportunity well.
Weems's suggestions are marvelous. Weems will you please be my new therapist?
The buddha within me greets the buddha within you. d.
You really are such a wise woman. With so much true caring, you will make your way through this world in very good form.
There is a tremendous value to afriend who you have "history" with, and when one friend abandons another -- for whatever reason -- it is so hurtful. That is a different situation from two people just naturally and organically drawing apart because of focus and time going in other directions. Just as long as one person doesn't "push" beliefs on the other.
And since she is your housemate, it would be difficult to cut here out of your life, in any case.
And Weems. I appreciate your comment about the fishermen who put the fish back -- when I hear about that, I still wonder why they would torture the poor little one like that. Well, at least your bro is honest about it.
The buddha within me greets the buddha within you. d.
I have total ignorance on what she belongs too- is it some awful evil organization? Anyway sounds like your friendship will prevail ...I think true friendship is so hard to find. I hope you both can work through it. Best of luck. By the way how is the work life? You must have tons of great stories to tell.:)
...my brother was joking. They really do baby the fish so they can survive. But it's still torture. I don't think they like being caught that much. However, I do know that hunters and fisherman do more than PETA to maintain sustainable habitat for their prey. And that deer hunting works better than the mass starvation that occurs when there is no hunting. Weird. I don't hunt or fish, but it's an interesting ethical issue.
Okay, Jasmine. No more hijacking of this thread on my part. Promise!!!
Weems
The botox man in this town who services all the foreheads, eyes, droopy lips and champagne/flute/ciggie lines etched above the top lip has a hobby....guess what it is...no, not knickers snatching off clothes lines(which by the way in countries where people don't use clothes lines what do people who have fetishes do?) I wonder if there is a fetish grievance council for societies that no longer support or attribute towards people who steal items of clothing from back yards...Hmmmmmm I am deep in thought tonight about such things...
Anyway the Botox Man is a Deer/Dear Hunter! You read correctly- he hunts poor little defenceless deer.......When he is not shooting darts into Bambi's mother he is shooting up the entire town for $500 @ shot. I was amazed when someone told me. Also as an added thought frown lines are appearing all over town and Botox Man is now scheduled to make his appearance only once a month...Can you imagine. The economy is in the bidet!
Ask questions.