the light surrounds you

and you glow through the trees

and mind is bursting with hope

and heart is saying come near.

 (Don't know if that's what you want to convey)

Weems

www.edgechange.com

That might work. However, I don't know if it will fit with the melody pattern. But I will try.

Thanks!

But I appreciate your throwing it out there for us.  And I have no investment in my own words.

Would love to hear the melody.

Weems

www.edgechange.com

The image you posted up was exactly what I had in mind when I wrote it. So I'm glad it's showing up in someone lol.

Basically when I wrote this what came through was this profound fear that sometimes comes over me (or all of us) about seeing God in everything... It's so overwhelmingly powerful sometimes I try to hide myself from seeing it. But the beauty and wonder just keeps making me come back. Hence the "my mind is bursting with fear, but my heart is saying "come near". There is this captivity Gods existance holds over me.

That's what I got.

:)

love,

Jasmine

...and the idea of changing that from fear to hope was kind of a fun tease on my part.

I don't think you should change the emotion you express in the song.  I'm just throwing it out there as an alternative emotion in life. Maybe note even to you so much as to myself.

It's part of this process I work with called holding polarity.  It drives my friends crazy, because, although it's meant to be a balancer (for me), it often becomes an edit to them.  Talk about your lol!

 Glad the image in the forest fits.  You expressed that very well.  It's an image I see and love often in the forests.

Weems

www.edgechange.com

people  who can write songs.....Would love to hear the finished product.....

Have you ever tried just putting it away, as if forgotten and starting something totally different and finding in the totally different the word will happen- it will come through- because it is there- you already know it but, it needs to be laid aside in order to come through-

Hope that doesn't confuse you too much. Good Luck!

So many teachers have told me that fear is like one side of a coin, with the other side being excitement at possibilities (or perhaps, as Weems wrote, "hope"). No matter the emotion, it is one side of a two-sided coin. It contains its own "opposite".

love  ;-) 

Happy trails, D.

to the wedding videos? 

Happy trails, D.

The funny thing is, like D posted about a two-sided coin, that is should convey polarity and opposites. The mystery that is out there is full of Paradoxes and trying to put it in words is the hardest thing to do, because there is No-thing to it. But I think poetry is the closest it can come to.

Anjela, I completely understand your concept of putting it away then coming back to it. This is me coming back to it lol. But maybe it is time to put it away again. It's just so weird, that when it does come, it is like it already exists and that I'm just the channel or something... Like I said, mystery. 

Okay about the videos. My sister has them but hasn't been able to put them online because she is running around crazy with the new baby. So I haven't been pushing her. :) teehee. But I am going home tonight, so I will get to them myself. I would love for you all to see it. And hopefully hear the finish product of this one.

Thanks so much for the feedback,

Love.

Me!

You kiss in the rainbows
your peace, haunts my soul
and I keep on coming back to you

your breath holds me captive
your tune, it pierced my ears
and i keep on coming back to you

i wonder if the door is open
i wonder if i can walk through
you ask me does it build the thrill in you?

the light surrounds you
as you grow through the trees
but mind desires the fear
through a heart beating "come near"

you swim through the waters
yet you cry eternity
still you hold me gently in your arms
and I keep on coming back to you

and i wonder if the world is spinning
what happens when time stands still?
will it be the only thing we feel?
will this be the one that you'll reveal?

---also, if I had a lead guitarist, there is a solo part developing in my head. When will the noises stop!!!!? : )

This is richer, fuller than the other.  And I like the order of verses better.  Wish I had the tune to feel it better.  Nice.

Weems

www.edgechange.com

I was brave enough to get these recorded! But thank you for the feedback. : )

I understand the courage it must take to get them recorded.  Nice!

Weems

www.edgechange.com

 Perhaps the"noises" will stop when you have them recorded and they are expressed out into the world. When the muses sing, dance, and create inside its is worth paying attention... (I say this as a reminder to myself). 

Deep bow to you for sharing your creative process with use here (hear).

and when you hear it the voices will go away.....someone else said that but it is true....

 Wild thought!

Would you consider singing it in to a Talking Stick on iThou? I'd love to hear you sing this beauty, dear beauty you.

The buddha within me greets the buddha within you. d. 

Thank you for the encouragment and feedback. D, you have a wonderful idea there and one day when I'm really brave I'll try it. I'm thinking my first project to work on when I graduate is recording my first album. I've begun connecting with people and playing out so hopefully my love overcome my fears and then who knows.

Thanks again!

Do you sing publicly--like in gatherings or clubs, with others, on street corners?  I've always wanted to be a street musician.  But it turned out I didn't have the "musician" part.

Weems

www.edgechange.com

Mostly I've been playing gatherings and parties. But I have been looking at bars with open mics and clubs. Not sure about the street corner thing, I don't want my guitar to get mugged. lol

...to get it out of your head into other peoples heads. Then they can walk around with it in their heads. The trick is to make them PAY to have it in their heads. I've never been very good at tricks.

I suggest you look at Clement Street. There are a number of neighborhood bars on Clement that are open to volunteer performers. There's also a new "club" about a block from the Green Apple Bookstore. (I can't seem to remember the name right now.) But Clement is not a club scene. It's also safer than anyplace downtown. It's best to stay away from Polk Street and North Beach. Fillmore, Sacremento and Union Streets (west of Van Ness) are all possibilities. But Clement is a lot more relaxed and neighborhood oriented. It's also a straight shot across the Park Presidio from UCSF, you don't have to go downtown.

you always have the scoop...Maybe the trick is getting into peoples hearts and out of their heads?

Thanks, I'll check out the scene on Clement.

 Hearts, not heads. Esalen has taught you well.

The buddha within me greets the buddha within you. d. 

17 and in high school- played all the local venues-won Battle of the Bands- then a  neighbour heard his band- they were really good(I thought) and she asked him several times for their CD- They were highly creative but not really into fame or the business side of the band. She was Kelly Klein's sister and on her way to spend the wekend at the home of David Geffin...... They weren't motivated at all  just loved writing and playing....and then they all finished school and went to university- that was over 6 years ago. One of the 'boys' is professional now. So maybe you could send your CD to Lou Adler or to David Geffin's office.  It might be easier  to go the direct route to the top.

Jasmine,

It's beautiful.  I would like to offer some constructive criticism, but I simply can't -- you are far above me! :)  Let's just say that my poetry/song/creative writing attempts come out like a kindergardener's. 

It's as though you painted a picture, or pictures, with your words.  And Weems' forest picture was EXACTLY what I saw!

I like your thinking. Straight for the top, all or nothing is what I say. lol Thanks for the advice.

Zen, thank you for the feedback. I love hearing what people feel, see or hear when reading my work. Weems was right on the dot too when he posted that picture, it is exactly what's in my head!

nice poem, thanks 

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thou art that