He was a good guy. Straight up. No bull. I liked him a lot. Only friend of mine who actually robbed a bank!

Thanks for the heads-up, Dorothy.

This is sad news. I found Ronnie this morning dead in his van from carbon monoxide poisoning. The circumstances indicate it was intentional. I hope he's in a better place now. Blessings, Bill

For those of you familiar with the ritual of the cappuccino klatsch at Chez Ronnie's, tomorrow, April 7th, at 11:00 AM at the Art Barn we'll raise a cup to toast our good friend, Ronnie. Be with us in spirit.

Ronnie's Truck with a painting of Antonio on the side...

I am surprised... I just saw Ronnie at the Deli/Post Office this Thursday. He seemed as Ronnie as ever. I guess we (I) often don't know what suffering others carry. Kes and I were admiring his painted truck with the plastic dinosaur for a hood ornament and the painting of Antonio on one side. Ronnie was the kind of character that Esalen and Big Sur needs. May you be at peace Ronnie.

I loved Ronnie... he was one of a kind.  I remember being in a John Soper group with him ... Peter Friedberg was in that group... Ronnie was a firecracker of a man.  Fearless... so it seemed.  I remember going at it with him in group.  And then winning his respect through the tests of fire we put each other through.... loved that guy... here's to Ronnie Haire.... and unbridled life...  love you Ronnie...

I don't think I knew him but he does sound like someone who lived his life his way. 

 I know we are Soul and have a body and I was listening to Aldous Huxley in my car today as he mentioned

as we get old we realized the decrepitude of the body (usually) and make the acquaintance with Spirit or what we really are) (Immortal Soul with many rebirths in the Earth School). 

At peace and not judged.

Bill Herr - my sympathies to you, in your discovery.....and to all who knew him......I never knew him but, am moved to wish he finds peace now. And at 2.00 I will raise a large  cup of  Twinings tea  in Connecticut- Anjela

Ronnie was lucky that it was you who found him! I will join you in the toast at 11AM PST. You will have a lot of company. Thanks, Bill, for your caring friendship!

sending love and prayers your way as well. i know what a friend you were to ronnie - - and he to you - - for as long back as i remember ronnie! i talked to seymour yesterday too. i hope he makes it in time for the toast. i will be there 'with y'all' as well, at 11 AM your time. ronnie was truly one of a kind. i loved him. peace.

Count me in. 

I was so sad to hear the news yesterday.  I lit a candle last night and will raise a glass today.   Bill, I am so sorry about your discovery.  I send you virtual hugs and wish I was there for the real thing.   I hope he found his peace.  I’d forgotten about his truck – thank you Steve for sharing.  I can see Ronnie, sitting out on the deck at lunch, in his ground-grubbed clothes, eating at the same spot on the bench most days, always with his mischievous smile and gruff comments.  I remember him saying to me, too “I’m flirtin’ with ya” and sometimes poking around the kitchen asking for sweets.  Oh Ronnie….so sorry. 

His Smile, His grin, His laughter, His Kidding... all will be missed

Wow. I once shared a room with Ronnie at South Coast for two weeks or so and I worked with him for a while too.  I have nothing but outrageously fun and warm memories of him. I cannot imagine Esalen without him. Hugs to you Bill.  The two of you seemed so close.

Ronnie!!!!

I felt so loved during my recent visit to Esalen (after a three year absence) and Ronnie was a major contributor to that.  It seemed like every meal he'd find me and invite me over to sit with him and the outdoor meal gang (Bill, James and other important guests of the day).  When it was time for me to leave I wanted to be sure and find him to say good-bye and felt so sad saying good-bye to Ronnie in particular, I gave him a big hug and I know I wanted to say "I love you Ronnie" but can't remember now if I did or didn't.  I had so much emotion about saying good-bye to Ronnie, I wonder if I somehow knew- but then again, I kick myself for not listening to him as well as maybe I should have when he talked about being depressed and prozac not working and saying that community was everything to him and he didn't know how he'd ever make it without community.  He told me he had lost his yurt, but not his job (as an email I got notifying me of his death stated).  Is that true?  Did it happen since I left Esalen?  So I'm mad at Ronnie for not telling me more, and mad at myself for not listening better.  And sad to think he won't be there in body the next time I come to Esalen.  And so happy to think of all the great memories I have of Ronnie.  He was so special, so unique.  He was a wonderful patient teacher when I volunteered in grounds.  i was just terrified of that log splitter thing and he just patiently waited and watched with me and gradually encouraged me until I finally did it.  I was just amazed at his technique, so full of patience and kindness and encouragement.  And he was a great listening ear many times that I had something on my mind during my many workscholar months in past years.  And who could forget that jar of urine he kept in his van!  (I hear Bill laughing now as I write).  He let me do cleaning for him every so often so I could earn some money and I cleaned his van once or twice.  I said, Ronnie, what's up with the jar of urine in the van?  And he said, well, when your housing doesn't have a toilet, you gotta go somewhere!  And who could forget the amazing truck!.  Esalen will never be the same without Ronnie, that's for sure.  Maybe we could make a Ronnie memorial somewhere on the property.  What a character!  And what a great friend.  I'm so glad I got to spend time with him so recently.  And so glad I got to give him what for me was a good-bye hug filled with love since I felt so loved by him on my recent visit.  Thanks to all of you who made me feel so loved on my recent visit to Esalen!  And my heart goes out to everyone else who was touched by Ronnie's death.  Still doesn't quite seem real to me. I'm so grateful that I stumbled upon this website!

Bill Herr (left) has done just about everything at Esalen... on his second tour of duty as Art Barn director he also extends himself to look after folks like Paul Herbert and show up for Ronnie in his passing.

For me, Ronnie's truck reflected at least one aspect of who he was... For those the don't know Ronnie this is a glimpse... for those of you that do know him... well, I smile and tear up at the same time. Here's more...

Thanks Ronnie

thank you for these fab photos steve - and thank you to bill.

ronnie lives on in the hearts of many! 

I obviously did not know Ronnie, but I can see your love for him.  Lovely spirits moving through all of our lives.  Your tribute is very fine, and he looks to be a man I would like to have met.

Weems

www.edgechange.com

I love his little touches- the frogs/toads/ his van...I would love to know more about him. Did he live in the car- Did he have family.....I want to know why someone who lives in this beautiful spot and appears happy in his picture decides to end it all.

Last time I was at Esalen Ronnie came up to me after lunch and said, "I've been trying to think of a way that I could flirt with you." I laughed and said something but I wish that I had said let's sit down and talk, I'd like to get to know you. You just never know, do you?

Don't fear your best freinds, because a best friend would never try to do you wrong.

And don't fear your worst friends, because a worst friend is just  best friend that's done you wrong.

Sympathies for the loss of your good buddy,  Bill.

Tho I tried to get to know him,  but he was a stubborn cuss,  as you know.

I didn't have enuf time.

I have a theory about suicide.   It's possible,  I think,  that in one dimension you magically fail,  wake up and life goes on as usual.  While in another,  you succeed,  and your loved ones grieve.      ??????

If he is in a better place,  better is always better.

let's hope,

wish I was there,

George 

I like your theory.

Natalia Rae - I love that song.  I've just recently fallen in love with it.  I'm in the middle of a Teacher Training Yoga course and my instructor sometimes plays it but I always forget to ask her who sings it.  Now I know and I'm so happy about it.  I'm going to put it into my ipod, it's a perfect running song. Thank you.

Gina

A sad time. Working with Ronnie was an inspiration to me in Grounds -- after I got over being afraid of him which took about one day. I've never known anyone to work as hard. He led by doing. He always made me feel welcome and that my effort was valued.

your shared words like you Natalie are so beautiful... thanks I shall be forwarding them...

found these in my pics folder and thought some of you might like another couple shots. love and peace to ronnie.

a man and his saw............ 

many a person sat here with ronnie

- I have been watching for some time from here in Switzerland the various comments about Ronnie.

- Although he looks familiar, I probably never met him except now, through the testimony of so many friends.

- My time at Esalen was somewhat before his.

- He began to remind me of my first visits to the baths, back in 1967, strolling along the back road past all the hippie vans and through the clouds of weed smoke and the ether full of acid trips, and I thought - we would have had a few laughs together.

- Then I saw the two pictures from Dorothy T and knew I had to add a word.

- Once upon a time, in protest against certain Esalen mangement personnel and their practices, I took a chain saw to the Esalen sign. I remember one Esalen manager, who arrived during the event in his car, asked me what I was doing. I replied: "I'm cutting down the fucking sign, what does it look like I'm doing?"

- In fact, purely out of respect for Richard Price, I didn't cut the sign all the way through. I left a couple of inches unsawed in each redwood post and the maintenance crew was able to bolt a couple of steel plates on the thing before it fell over.

- I had to pay $800 (at this time the $ was worth something) before the board would let me back on the property. That took me a while, but eventually I was voted back as a Buffalo (privileged local guest and annoyance) in bizarrely excellent standing. There was another incident, involving an 1892 Winchester Model 76, a camouflage jacket, a VW bus named 602 KIR, a bunch of police cars, and a loudly uttered gestalt sentence: "Get out of my space!", that they fussed about for a while, but that is another story.

- Anyway, I was very happy to see that Ronnie, like me, used a Stihl chainsaw in his professional work.

Sterling

Sterling

Saturday afternoon a loving crowd assembled under the trees across from the sweat lodge area at Esalen. Ronnie's "art truck" and tractor were parked nearby. It was a beautiful day. The weather was hot, perhaps 85 degrees. Many people spoke from the heart to say farewell to Ronnie.

I appreciate all who have taken the time to keep me "in the loop" about Ronnie's death. I now understand the forces that moved our friend to the brink. Several people spent hours talking with Ronnie in the immediately preceeding days. Despite all the troubles that impacted his life, I suspect Ronnie departed knowing that many people loved him.

for giving me a 'peek' into Ronnie's memorial. i can picture it and am grateful for that. i agree with you that ronnie probably departed knowing many people loved him. still do. :-)

i spoke with ronnie regularly over the years, i a juvenile delinquent, and he upstaged me as a bank robber.   a few days before he ended his life, he confided in me about his very aggressive investment strategies.  he felt responsible and spoke of ending his life.   i am relieved  that others had been involved with this dialogue.   could he been helped with some suicide prevention hospitalization?    ronnie?  what do i do with you?   love indeed

I never knew the man you all write of.... Ronnie. I never met him or, if I had, in passing during my few visits as a guest years ago did not know it was he I passed.

What do you (anyone who knew him) feel now if you or I were to meet another person who has expressed these thoughts of desperation ...what can we learn and do....perhaps differently?

If a person here were to write of their desperation- it would be seen as a call for help. I don't mean a recommendation for a visit to a psychiatrist...what do the desperates of the world really want when they tell people they feel suicidal. I don't think the answer is solely professional help... I do know from my own life experience, my  brief grief attempt in 'therapy' caused me a greater sorrow- the feeling of sheer absence- The hole became wider- deeper and I managed to float across it. But what if I couldn't, who would saved me if, I couldn't save myself.

If you are suicidal you are perhaps beyond the knowing of logic and what your absence will mean in terms of saddening others- maybe it is the supreme place of selfishness- caring just for the ending of yourself....It sounds harsh but, people I have known who have relatives who have killed themselves, are the ones  left to pick up the unanswered pieces and in the end whatever the crisis was, it  is never as great as the after effects caused by the act itself.

I am only wondering. We have talked (written) about this before. I need to know what to do- do we nestle down with someone and offer them all we have. What could anyone have said to Ronnie as they listened, as they passed him by- Spiritual beings stop and listen but, do we move on in our own busyness. If he hadn't found the skills within himself to cope- would  he have attempted to end his life at some later point in time?

Was ending his life his only option.